Dear Parishioners,
The following letter was composed by a priest-friend (who attended
college seminary with me) to his parishioners back in 2013. He is now deceased after battling some
serious illness. I thought that you
might like to reflect on the letter as I did. I will add some personal commentary afterwards.
Dear Friends in Christ,
Over the past several
months, I have received numerous letters and concerned comments regarding poor
manners at church. In one sense, we should not be surprised at the lack
of proper respect and dress at church, because we live in a very casual world
where many people have forgotten manners and discipline. However,
manners, whether at Mass or in other situations, reveal the value we place on
each other and God: think about the term “Sunday best.” With respect to
our dress, we live in a society where even corporate America has changed to
casual attire. However, some of those companies have or are revisiting this
policy because of the psychology of dress: our dress assists us in the ways in
which we behave. More and more, I see casual attire at weddings and
funerals, which were always considered “dress-up” events. Many people
have lost all sense of basic politeness, like holding the door open for
someone, especially a lady, particularly an expectant mother or an elderly
person. (I was raised to be a gentleman, so call me old fashioned if you
like.) Seldom do the words “please” and “thank you” echo in our ears.
While we may not be
surprised at such a state of affairs, we should not condone it or lower
ourselves to embrace this standard. Each of us should strive for better
manners, especially “Church Manners.”
Therefore, as a Priest and
one who was raised by good, diligent parents, I will present what I consider
good Church Manners.
First, let us start at how
we prepare for Mass. People should dress appropriately. In our society, we
still consider coat and tie for men and dresses or suits for women appropriate
attire for weddings, for special parties (even Christmas parties) and certainly
for meeting dignitaries, like the Pope or the President. We should then
dress in the same way to meet our Lord, present in the Holy Eucharist. Granted, perhaps in the summer we could be a little more casual, but we
can still be neat, clean, and properly clothed. Frankly, shorts and beach
wear are an inappropriate form of dress for Church. In deciding what to
wear, we should be thinking, “I am dressing to meet my Lord and to participate
in the mystery of my salvation.”
Before leaving home, we
should make sure we go to the bathroom. People going in and out of the
pews during Mass for the bathroom is distracting. Granted, there are legitimate
reasons for having to use the bathroom during Mass. However, I think that
some of us have just gotten into a routine: during the homily, go to the
bathroom; during Communion, get the drink of water. Frankly, when I was
growing up, I don’t think our church even had a public bathroom, because we
were taught by the Sisters and reinforced by our parents not leave that pew
except to receive Holy Communion.
Next, leave home with time
to arrive at church before Mass begins, preferably about five or 10 minutes. Doing so allows everyone to have a few moments for prayer and to be ready
to participate in the Mass. Granted, circumstances arise which will delay
a family. Such a situation is different from the perpetually late.
When entering the church,
be sure to make the sign of the cross with the Holy Water; this gesture reminds
us of our baptism and does dispel evil. Before entering the pew, be sure
to genuflect, an important act of reverence to the presence of our Lord in the
Blessed Sacrament in the Tabernacle. Also, please turn off the cell
phones and [other devices], not only to give some undivided attention to God,
but also to spare everyone else the distraction of a phone ringing or other
electronic devices sounding during Mass.
In worshiping, participate
in the songs and prayers, follow the readings and listen attentively to the
homily. In all my Priesthood, I have been surprised at those “pillars”
that never open their mouths to sing or pray. Parents should help their
children: last Sunday, I saw a mother following the readings with her finger so
her two young children could more easily and attentively read. In all,
everyone should joyfully and reverently participate in the Mass.
Parents need to supervise
their children. Jesus loves and welcomes children, but they do need our
help. If a child is fussy, then the parent should quickly take the child
to the Narthex or to the Children’s Chapel to allow the child to calm down
before returning. Children should not be allowed to rattle keys, drop
toys, kick the pews or run in the aisles. These behaviors are enormously
distracting. Parents simply need to be parents, using good judgment and
discipline with the little ones.
When receiving Holy
Communion, always do so reverently. Remind ourselves that when we receive
the Consecrated Host, we should be very conscious that we are receiving the
same Lord who was born for us on Christmas Day; the same Jesus who died for us
on Good Friday; the same Jesus who rose from the dead on Easter Sunday and now
sits at the right hand of the Father in heaven! If receiving on the hand,
the hands must be clean and held like a throne for the Lord. After
receiving, one should consume the Sacred Host before turning around to go back
to the pew. Holy Communion must not be reminiscent of a cafeteria line
experience, but rather of an encounter with the glorified Lord.
After Communion, each
person must give thanks for the precious gift received and allow the grace to
fill our souls. How tragic it is to see people leave Mass right after
Communion, not because of an emergency, but because they want to get out of the
parking lot first. I can only think of Judas, who was the first person
ever to leave Mass early. To give the Lord one hour — and usually less —
for the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass is really not much of a sacrifice. I
wonder how these same people would feel if someone left their own home in the
middle of a meal without even saying thank you.
Finally, after the Mass is
concluded with the blessing, wait until the priest has proceeded down the aisle
before leaving the pew. The congregation should disperse only after the
recessional hymn has concluded. However, before leaving the pew, be sure
to put the hymnal back in its holder and pick up used tissues or other items;
otherwise, someone else has to attend to them.
While I am sure that this
list is not exhaustive, I have witnessed all of these actions as a Priest. I do not want to seem cynical or condescending, but only teach proper
respect for the Mass we love to celebrate.
Saint Joseph, pray for us,
now and at the hour of our death!
Blessings,
Fr. Ogden
(Former) Pastor, St, Joseph Church, Mechanicsburg, PA
Personally, I add the following to Fr. Ogden’s
observations:
Please do not bring food and drink into the Church and pews. I have seen people entering Church carrying Wawa
coffee cups and other inappropriate items. While someone may need water for medical reasons, other food and
beverages break the Eucharistic fast (generally 1 hour) and are not to be
brought into Church.
In a former parish (and recently here), as I was beginning
to preach the homily at a Mass, someone actually began clipping fingernails in
front of me. Can you imagine something
more rude and distracting than to hear click, click, click, while trying
to preach the Word of God? In
Church? Really?
While I am not against people socializing (fellowship) when they
see each other at Mass, please remember that people come to Church to pray
and to find quiet time with the Lord. Please do not become a distraction to those trying to find quiet time
and certainly keep the socializing out of the sanctuary area.
Remember that we come to Mass primarily to worship the
Lord. Anything that was mentioned here
is only meant to help all of us to remember why we attend Mass and
always to do so with reverence and respect.
Fr. Ed Namiotka
Pastor
1958-2015
Diocese of Harrisburg, PA
