The first act important to a good confession is
a thorough Examination of Conscience. We have to look at
our lives and see what we have done that is sinful. Many people reflect on
the Ten Commandments, the teachings of Jesus in the Gospel,
the letters of St. Paul or some formulated written examination to help with the
process.
Any known serious sin needs to
be confessed in kind and in number. What this
means is that I have to tell the priest exactly what I did and
the number of times that I did it. I have had people come
into confession and say, “Father, I did
some really bad things.” This really leaves the priest
clueless. Bad things can run the gamut from stealing to murder to adultery to
whatever. It is too vague. The reason we need to know
the number of times is to give us some sense of the frequency of the problem.
Serious sin basically consists of the following three conditions:
- Grave Matter - The nature of what was done is serious business
- Sufficient Reflection - The person thinks about it and realizes it is wrong to do it
- Full Consent of the Will – The person freely commits the sin knowing it is wrong
In other words, a serious sin (sometimes called
a mortal sin) is an action that I
know is seriously wrong and yet I choose to do it anyway. Sins that
lack one of the above conditions usually are considered venial or
less-serious sins. While they do not necessarily need to
be confessed in number (“I lied six times”), the gravity
or nature of the sin is important. It can be the difference
between lying to the telemarketer that “He
is not home” to lying to your wife that “I
have to work late” (because you are having an affair with your
secretary). Both are forms of lies, but one certainly is more serious than
the other. Usually what is best is to determine certain patterns of
venial sin and to confess the patterns that you are aware of rather than try to
number every single sin (which is usually only a calculated guess anyway)
The Process
- Examine your conscience thoroughly. Quietly think about what you did wrong.
- Begin by making the Sign of the Cross. The traditional formula many people are accustomed to is: “Bless me (or forgive me), Father, for I have sinned. It has been (how long?) since my last confession. These are my sins . . . .”
- Confess all of the sins that you can remember. It is not necessary to worry about the number of times for venial (less serious) sins, BUT the number of times a mortal (deliberate and serious) sin is committed should be mentioned. This gives the priest an idea of the seriousness and frequency of the problem.
- If you are not sure if something is sinful, ask the priest to clarify it for you.
- Do not withhold any sin deliberately. The purpose of confession is to admit your sinfulness and to clear your conscience. To hold back sin defeats the purpose of confession. Remember that you speak to God through the priest. You really cannot hide anything from God. No matter how embarrassing something may be, trust that the priest will understand and is anxious to help you reconcile with God and the Church.
- Do not worry about unintentionally forgotten sins. It is usually a good practice to end confession in this manner: “For these and all of the sins of my past life which I cannot now remember, I am sorry.”
- Remember that going to confession means that you want to change for the better. There should be a purpose of amendment which means that you promise to try not to do the same things over again. Perhaps you may fall into sin again, but it important that you resolve to try to do better.
- The priest will give you some penance. The completion of the penance is part of the sacrament. If you do not do the penance, this should be confessed in your next confession.
- Say an Act of Contrition. (Sometimes during a Communal Penance Service this may be done together.) You may use one that you know or recite a prayer of sorrow in your own words.
- The priest will give absolution and then dismiss you. You can be confident that any sin told to a priest in confession is in strict confidence. The priest can never reveal the content of an individual’s confession so that any sin is equated to a particular person. (canon 983) [The Seal of Confession is so sacred that if the priest breaks it he can only be forgiven by the Pope himself (canon 1388) and the priest is never allowed to hear confessions again. The priest must even give up his life before breaking that seal. In addition, the priest may never use knowledge from confession against a person. (canon 984)]
Fr. Ed Namiotka
Pastor